Date: The day I finally chose myself
I have a confession to make: I’ve always struggled with self-love.
You know the promises you make to yourself when you’re a kid? “I’m never going to let X, Y, Z…”
Well, I remember it clearly: I made one of those.
Mine was: “I’m never going to trust anyone ever again.”
And boy, did that mess me up...
So many people tried to love me. Did everything in their power to keep me safe.
And what did I do? I kept looking for clues. Kept searching for some sort of betrayal. Kept waiting for that inevitable abandonment in the end.
Until one day it dawned on me…
I wasn’t scared of other people abandoning me. I was actually…
Ignoring my instincts
Being my worst enemy
The truth is that no one could hurt me the way I was hurting myself in my head.
I was my worst critic. My forever nightmare. My always-ON radio station.
Every time I tried to make a step forward, my limiting beliefs held me back.
What was stopping me from escaping this never-ending cycle?
The #1 toxic belief I had: that I wasn’t good enough.
Anxiety, insomnia, problems in the romantic department, and SO.MUCH.DRAMA…
I’ve been through it all.
Until one night… everything changed.
I remember it vividly like it was yesterday:
Me, setting on the kitchen floor.
I had abandoned myself again:
I was suffocating from tears.
Crying so loudly, my neighbors could hear.
That night, I realized I couldn’t take it anymore.
I was exhausted from pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
I was absolutely devastated by all the pain and abuse I had endured over the years.
That was the moment I said to myself:
Then all of a sudden, I felt something I’d never felt before:
My heart was overflowing with love.
That was the moment I realized I didn’t have to work so hard to “deserve” love.
I didn’t need anyone else to feel loved.
I just had to learn how to tap into this magical feeling I felt for the first time in my life.
That magical thing called self-love.